youre lurking in front of me
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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