I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
