Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Randomize
