I will die if light touches me.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
