I'm going to jail i love you
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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