I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
