I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
