Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
