Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Let's get the cat blown out
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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