Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
