my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
