I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize