Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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