Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
