I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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