Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize