What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
