does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
