it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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