That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
