So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
