I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
