I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Houston, we have a blender
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
