I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
