Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
