Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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