I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
