picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
