i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
