Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
