She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
