If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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