Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
