Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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