Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
