Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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