I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
