He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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