If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
