can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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