Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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