The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
