Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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