I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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