seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
