I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My vagina just clenched in fear
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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