Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
