It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
What did we do last night that was yellow?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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