Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
