I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
a search helicopter?!
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
