You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
