Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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