I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
