I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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