shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
