trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
