Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you