aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize