If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
