Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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