Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
