fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
