I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
