Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
