Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
