someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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