Just fell off a train. Bad.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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