I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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