Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
